girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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