I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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