literally had 100 drinks last night.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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