I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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