Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
