I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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