fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
