im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
