did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
