Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
