he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
