My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
