Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
