She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
