life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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