and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
