I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
