and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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