Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
