so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
