And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
