We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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