All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
