The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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