I wish I only lived at night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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