i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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