He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The power of my boobs compel you
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
