Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
