Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
