You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
