Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
