I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
