Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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