i think my mom watched the whole time
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
