remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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