Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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