he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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