You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
