M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
