You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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