I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
