I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
