Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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