Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
