I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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