Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
