I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
