we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
