i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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