Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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