my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
