halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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