the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
