If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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