Don't you send me to vm
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
