Porn is love you can see.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
