I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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