I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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