I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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