dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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