just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
