4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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