Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
