If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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