dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i love accidental penises.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize