Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
