That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
