If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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