I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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