Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
