so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
