I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
