Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
