He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
