I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
