I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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