I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
