If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize