Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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