Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
