I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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