A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
