You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
