mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize