Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
