I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the liver wants what the liver wants
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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