better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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