The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sex in a hospital.. check
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i believe in u and ur pee
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