just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
