I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
