Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize