So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
