I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
