By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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