Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
