He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
