I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just puked most of my soul out..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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