I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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