I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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