Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize