I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
