3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
worst night to have a conscience
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
