Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
