They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
