first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think my fart just growled at me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's blow job season.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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